So Much More
by Ariellabella
Summary: All it took was one horrible night to change something that started as a friendship into so much more.


So Much More

The shaking in his legs almost brought him to his knees as he took the next few steps to the door. Once there he couldn't bring himself to knock, his arms were simply too heavy to lift.

His legs, they were getting worse, he just knew they would give out, and they did. He let his eyes close as he collapsed on the stoop. His head must have hit the door harder than he realized because the next moment there were footsteps coming closer from inside.

The doorknob squeaked as it turned, the door was open. Light fell across him and he fell in, the floor rushing up to meet him.

Muffled voices milled around him and he was turned onto his back. Hands pushed the hair out of his face; he suddenly realized it would have been a good idea to wash the blood off his forehead before coming.

And then the floor wasn't there anymore, instead he found himself cradled against a warm, hard chest. With a small moan, he turned his head into the shoulder, inhaling the sweet, musky scent.

He was lowered onto a soft mattress, the warmth enveloping him and he murmured in appreciation before falling asleep.

-- 

A cool cloth was pressed against his forehead, sending a chill through him. His eyes fluttered open and took in the dark room. Hazel eyes peered down at him from behind wire rimmed glasses. "James?" he croaked, throat painfully dry.

"Yeah mate, it's me, how are you feeling?" There was a growing concern in his voice that made Sirius smile weakly.

"Besides feeling like my head is about to crack open I'm fine."

James shook his head slowly. "That's not what I meant. Sirius, what happened?"

He let out a heavy sigh and sat up, pushing away the cloth James held out. Shoving a hand through his hair, he looked down at his lap. "I can't go back, not this time James. They don't want me back and I don't want to go. I pushed it too far, I should have stopped but I didn't, I pushed further and further until they finally broke." His hand went unconsciously to the bruise on his cheek.

"You know you can stay here, mum and dad have been trying to get you to move in since the first…incident."

Sirius looked up at him, tears sparkling in his grey eyes. "I hate them, but it still hurts to know they don't love me." The tears began to spill down his cheeks. Instinctively he flinched when the first drop hit his skin, but the blow never came, neither did the yelling, telling him to be ashamed to show this weakness. Instead James sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping arms around him as Sirius buried his head in his shoulder. It was the first time he had ever been held as he cried, comforted instead of chastised. Ragged sobs tore from his throat, everything he'd held back over the years spilling forth in a never ending torrent. His mind and body grasped desperately at the love James was so freely offering.

When his crying stopped he didn't pull away, he pushed closer, whimpering softly. A warm hand threaded through his hair, brushing it away from his face and tilting his head to the side so James could peer down at him. Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on his forehead, as he went to place one on his cheek, Sirius unconsciously turned into it, their lips pressing togeather lightly.

There was a knock at the door and they sprang apart as if they'd been burned.

"James, is Sirius awake?" his mother asked, pushing the door open.

"Yeah," James replied quickly as she stepped in. Mrs. Potter moved to the bed, placing a soft hand on his cheek. "James, could you leave for a minute, your father and I would like to talk to Sirius alone." Still distracted by the kiss, James only nodded mutely and stumbled out of the room.

Walking down the stairs, he sat dazed on the couch, staring blankly into space. Almost unconsciously, his hand drifted up to his lips, pressing lightly against them.

Suddenly he didn't want to chance being alone with Sirius anymore. Moving quickly, he went to the fireplace, immediately flooing Remus. He would know what to do, Remus always had the answers.

Shoving his head into the green flames he saw Remus and his mother curled up on opposite sides of their couch, each looking intently at a large book.

"Moony!" Remus' head snapped up and he raised a questioning eyebrow while his mother waved. "You need to get over here now."

"Why?" Remus drawled eyes already latched back onto his book. "I told you I had too much work to visit this week."

"No you don't understand, it's Pads, he's here, his father's been at him again, it's really bad this time." Remus was on his feet, murmuring to his mother before striding to the fireplace.

James pulled out and sat back on his heels. Moments later Remus came stumbling through, casting a worried glance at him.

"Prongs are you okay?" James shook his head and Remus dropped to his knees beside him. "What's wrong?"

All his questions died on his tongue and he shot a panicked look at him. He was scared, scared of Sirius crying, scared of the heat he had felt when they kissed, scared that he wanted to do it again, hell, at this point he was just fucking scared.

"Prongs?" his voice was soft, quiet.

Eyes large and shaking slightly, James met his gaze. His voice was no more than a whisper. "I'm scared."

Footfalls came from the steps and he bit his lip nervously. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "We'll talk later." James nodded before standing to face his parents.

His mother hugged him and looked troubled while his dad trudged by, hands shoved into his pockets and uncharacteristically quiet.

"We talked," his father spoke, staring into the fireplace. "No child should have to grow up in that, the boy's been hurt James, take care of him."

--

James sat in the hard chair staring so intently at the wall he was surprised he hadn't burned a hole through it yet. The chair beside him scraped across the floor.

"Do you want to talk now?" Remus sounded tired physically and emotionally. On the other hand, James' head was buzzing.

"I don't know."

"Are you still," Remus paused for a minute, "scared?" Slowly, almost reluctantly, James nodded. "Tell me what happened?" He could feel Remus' eyes on him and his heart sped up. He had been trying for over an hour now to analyze what had happened. It didn't take long to figure out the action itself but his reactions, his feelings, were another story.

"He-we kissed." There was silence, the buzzing in his ears increased until his head began to ache.

Snapping around to face Remus, he slammed his hand on the table. "Say something!"

The tawny haired boy's eyes were big as saucers and he stumbled over a few words before speaking clearly. "Why?"

"It was an accident," James almost wailed. "But I enjoyed, I-I." His voice trailed off. "I liked it."

"Have you talked to him yet?"

James shook his head. "I don't think I should."

"Prongs, I talked to him, he's upset, lost, he's looking for love and the first person he's looking to is you. Don't let opportunity pass."

"What if he doesn't-."

"Go James," Remus urged him out of his chair and pushed his towards the stairs.

Eyes locked on Remus, he backed up until his ankles hit the bottom step. Tearing his gaze away he moved up. With a shaking hand, he turned the doorknob and stepped into the dark room.

Sirius was asleep on the bed, sprawled out on top of the covers, and murmuring softly. For a minute James just stared down at him, watching the way his chest rose and fell, his broader shoulders stretching James' tee shirt snug across his chest. The inky black strands of his hair fell haphazardly across his face, almost invisible in the darkness. Without realizing it, James found himself reaching a hand out to brush the hair away, half scared Sirius would wake up, the other half wishing desperately he would. The skin was soft under his fingers and he couldn't help but trail them slowly across the raised cheekbones and square jaw.

He the met shining grey eyes staring up at him and he didn't move, caught in their spell.

"Mate?" Sirius' voice was hoarse. Then a hand came up, wrapping around his, caressing. At this point his voice was failing him, not that it would have been a good idea to speak anyway, all he would do was say something stupid. But he didn't care, Sirius wouldn't care, there was no such thing as a stupid comment with Sirius, unlike with Lily when every word out of his mouth had her snapping at him.

And then he was bending over, pressing their lips togeather, uncaring that both still had their eyes open. It was awkward, his hand on Sirius' jaw getting in the way and noses bumping, but it was sweet and everything he'd expected, everything he'd wanted.

It seemed James wasn't the only one at a loss for words, Sirius pulled back slightly, moving his mouth as though to speak but eventually gave up and closed his mouth. Lying back, the boy reached a hand up towards James, beckoning.

Legs and hands still shaky, he sunk into the mattress beside Sirius. It was strange, so many times they'd been this close, shared the same bed, but never once had he felt like he did now. For the first time in his life, James Potter did not want to say anything. All he wanted to do was pull Sirius closer and kiss him again.

So he did.

This time it was different, more urgent, teeth clicking togeather and tongues fighting for dominance.

Then Sirius backed off, panting slightly and flushed red. "Prongs," he said almost painfully. "I'm not ready just yet; I'm still trying to get over tonight."

"I'm sorry," James blurted, scrambling and trying to slip from the bed. But Sirius held him fast, arms wrapped securely around his waist.

"No, I want this," Sirius said, sounding a little surprised. "But- can we just, lay here, be togeather?"

Trying to hold back a triumphant smile, James nodded and stretched out beside him. The time for words that night was over. Sirius pushed into his arms, burying his face in James neck and fisted his shirt. His breath was hot against his neck and instinctively he pulled him closer, finally feeling content.

Sometimes things just don't work out like you expect them to and something that started as a friendship could turn into something more, so much more, James thought. But they fit togeather so perfectly, it had to be real.

6


End file.
